What the Apostle Peter’s teaching on marriage reveals and why the way we respond to God’s Word matters.

This past Sunday, I had the privilege of preaching from 1 Peter 3:1-7. It was…challenging. Consider: 

In the same way, wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, even if some disobey the word, they may be won over without a word by the way their wives live when they observe your pure, reverent lives. Don’t let your beauty consist of outward things like elaborate hairstyles and wearing gold jewelry or fine clothes, but rather what is inside the heart—the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For in the past, the holy women who put their hope in God also adorned themselves in this way, submitting to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. You have become her children when you do what is good and do not fear any intimidation. Husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker partner, showing them honor as coheirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.

That passage makes a lot of people angry today. But people didn’t like it almost two thousand years ago, either. 

In the first century, in a culture built on the assumption of masculine superiority and feminine inferiority, husbands didn’t want to hear about the sexes’ equality or their responsibility to sacrifice their societal power to honor their wives. 

In the twenty-first century, in a culture committed to radical feminism and the destruction of differentiating characteristics, wives don’t want to hear about submission to their husbands or that “quiet” and “gentle” are valuable traits. 

But it’s not like Peter originally picked on husbands, and first-century wives loved the passage. Or, as if wives today have targets on their backs, while twenty-first-century husbands applaud and cheer the Apostle on. 

No. This passage challenges both husbands and wives now, just like it challenged both then. The feathers being ruffled in the first century have changed here in the twenty-first, but the irritation has the same source: sinful human desires opposed to God’s design. 

That’s why it is vital not merely to consider our specific situation, personally and culturally, when we look at a biblical passage like this one. Instead, we should push beyond our status and experience and consider that “God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, and His ways are not our ways.” Because of both His holiness and our rebellion, He is more likely to say things we do not like than things we do. We should expect Him to call us to behavior and ways of thinking that cut against our natural tendencies. 

This is hard for us. When we come across any information, be it in our Bibles, in a conversation, on the internet, or anywhere else, our first reaction is to evaluate whether we like it or not. Instead of logic or merit, we weigh our emotional response first. Scientists call our species homo sapiens (wise human), but perhaps homo affectus (feeling human) would be more accurate. 

As Christ-followers desiring supernatural transformation, how do we counteract this trend? By changing the question we ask when we come to the text. Instead of asking whether we like the Bible’s teaching, we need to ask whether we are willing to live the Bible’s teaching. 

I don’t like Peter’s instruction to think of my wife and not myself. I don’t feel good about the close link between my relationship with my wife and my relationship with God. I don’t enjoy killing my natural desire for self. But these things are good and right and thus are not to be evaluated based on my desires. 

You may not like Peter’s teaching in this passage. Your skin may crawl at the admiration with which he speaks of Sarah, who obeyed her husband. You may feel threatened by his assertion of equality between husband and wife. But your emotions regarding the text are not the primary indicator of its validity. 

We can, and should, discern the difference between what the text says and what sinful people have manipulated it to say for their benefit.

We can, and should, reject misinterpretations, abuses, and inconsistencies in the application of the text.

We can, and should, embrace good scholarship and new insights. 

But we cannot, and should not, reject any part of the Bible simply because we don’t like it. 

And a wealth of beautifully transformative work occurs when we push through our initial like/dislike reaction to the Word. When we realize that Peter’s words in this passage are lifting women up, not putting them down; when we finally see that husbands who connect with their wives can connect with God as well; when we cease to see our relationships in competitive terms and begin to see them through the lens of connection and mutuality; when we do these things, we begin to see what God intends for our marriages and our lives. 

Marriage is not meant to destroy, restrict, compel, demand, or burden; it is intended to be the engine of life-giving, lifting, building, growing, shaping, blessing, and creating wonderfully diverse unities from unique individuals. In marriage, the whole is greater than the parts, but never at the expense of the parts, only to their benefit. 

God offers us everything we’ve ever dreamed of and more in marriage. What a shame if we miss it because we didn’t like how it first sounded to our fallen ears.