Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage, and the Word of God

A Redemptive-Historical Approach

A good marriage has more potential for joy than any other human experience. A bad marriage has an almost equivalent potential for devastation. Marriage is a high-risk, high-reward proposition.

It’s no wonder, then, that many people are both excited about and frightened by the subject. Almost everyone has seen an example of a marriage relationship in which two people seem to flourish individually, grow together, and bless everyone around them. We want to experience that kind of relationship ourselves. Unfortunately, the opposite example is also easy to come by: two people made miserable, continually fighting or worse, and dragging everyone else into their drama. We want to avoid that like the plague.

And then there’s what happens all too frequently: divorce. When a marriage goes bad, it can seem best and most straightforward to euthanize it. After all, won’t everyone be better off if the pain of proximity is eliminated? Unfortunately, as many divorced people can attest, things are rarely that simple. Instead, divorce brings with it a host of other pains and problems, including questions about self-worth, the next steps, and its impact on others.

All of these issues are no less relevant for those who follow Christ. Because we believe that God ordained marriage and is personally involved with and concerned for marriage, they are even more relevant. And even more questions come up for those who are taking their relationship with God through Christ seriously. For example, what is God’s purpose for marriage? Far from simply being concerned with personal fulfillment, the Christ-follower wants to understand and submit to God’s intention for this most intimate of personal relationships. Or, is divorce permissible and, if so, for what reasons? While those who have entered a marriage for themselves need to consider nothing beyond themselves concerning ending that marriage, a Christ-follower has to ask whether or not Christ is ok with the whys and hows of ending a marriage. And, for those who have had marriages end in divorce, what about remarriage? The disciple needs to know whether or not they are free in Christ to remarry after a divorce or what the implications of remarriage are.

The best way to answer these questions is to look at the Bible. However, without the proper framework, merely consulting the various biblical texts that deal with marriage, divorce, and remarriage one by one can muddy the waters instead of clearing them up. The biblical text reveals, guides, and instructs, but only when we approach it on its own terms, not piecemeal.

The terms of engagement I believe the Bible is best understood by are those of a redemptive-historical approach. This approach seeks to understand any topic by how Scripture speaks to it in each of four subsections of the history of God’s redemptive work. These four subsections are, 1) Creation, 2) Fall, 3) Redemption, and 4) Completion.

Loosely defined, “Creation” refers to that period of history between God’s speaking everything into existence and humanity’s rejection of his position as Sovereign King by disobeying his command. “Fall” refers to the time between humanity’s initial disobedience and Jesus Christ’s resurrection from the dead and the Holy Spirit indwelling his followers. “Redemption” is the period in which Christ’s people are living and spreading the gospel before his return. And “Completion” is the future point at which Christ will return to completely conquer sin and death and bring his people into a glorious eternity.

Concerning the questions of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, these four historical epochs provide a framework for a more precise understanding than is possible with a text-by-text approach. To gain this clarity, I will consider some of the relevant biblical texts on marriage from within each epoch and then attempt to weave all the information into a panoramic view of the institution.

Four Aspects of God’s Will for Marriage

Creation Texts: Marriage in a Very Good World

Genesis 1:26-31 – While this passage has a great number of implications for our understanding of mankind, it relates to marriage in at least a couple of ways. First, the creation of “male” and “female” and the implication that this two-fold state of being was essential to “mankind.” This prototypical marriage is demonstrated to have an impact beyond the individuals involved in it and to bear witness to a wider unity in humanity. Second, the union was to have multiple purposes all of which can be subsumed under the larger category of stewardship. The relation of “male” and “female” as “mankind” was to be a part of their producing and expanding the work of God in the untamed world.
Genesis 2:15-25 – This passage zooms in on the creative work of God as it relates to humanity. The man is created and tasked with tending and preserving the Garden the Lord had made. However, the Lord declares that it is “not good for the man to be alone.” By himself, the man cannot do what God intended mankind to do. The Lord’s provision of a “helper” (the Hebrew word here could be understood as “an ally in battle” or “one who rescues” and is frequently applied to God himself in the rest of the OT) is the first marriage ever. It sets the stage for all subsequent marriages, as the author of Genesis notes (“for this reason…”). Marriage, the uniting of male and female, is essential to the work of stewardship that mankind was given. In this passage we also see the goodness of work (assigned before the fall), male headship in marriage (Adam created first and the one to whom the Lord gave the commands), and sex (a recognition of physical compatibility along with no shame).

Fall: Marriage in a Broken World

Genesis 3 – In this terrible passage, we see the upending of God’s order (man rules over beasts, God commands man, husband leads wife) in a beast approaching the woman, contradicting God, and the woman leads her husband. This upending of order is at the root of all sin and its impact on all of creation is evident from the rest of the Bible. However, its effects on that marriage and all subsequent ones is also clear. First, the stewardship tasks assigned to the couple (care for creation and producing offspring) are made more difficult and painful. Second, the relationship of the man and woman are made antagonistic instead of mutually beneficial. Instead of gladly serving alongside her husband, the wife will now desire to advance her own agenda and to have control of her husband. Instead of lovingly leading his wife, the husband will now rule despotically over her, thinking only of his own desires. Not only that, but the punishment of their sin and the cutting off of the way to the tree of life will mean that this relationship will inevitably be cut off by death. This death could almost be considered a mercy in light of the disharmony introduced into the relationship.
Genesis 4:1 – Though the marriage has been deeply impacted, along with the rest of existence, by sin, God’s original plan is still in play, and his sovereignty is still recognized. The woman sees that her bearing a son is by the Lord’s hand. Though mankind rejected God, God continues to involve himself in human affairs, even to the most intimate of setting by ordaining the fruit of Adam and Eve’s union.
Genesis 9:1-7 – The call to Noah is remarkably similar to the call to Adam and Eve, indicating that even with sin, God’s plan remains for human stewardship and all that it entails. Marriage, and the fruit of marriage, is still a critical part of that plan.
Exodus 21:10-11 – This passage, dealing with a wife taken from slavery, has also been interpreted by saints as detailing a woman’s rightful expectations from a marriage, without which she is free to seek a divorce. A husband must provide 1) food, 2) clothing/shelter, 3) sex. If he does not, she is free to leave and he must let her leave. This interpretation has been challenged by others, however. Regardless, there is a recognition in the Sinai law that marriage, intended to be a lifelong relationship, is now breakable.
Deuteronomy 24:1-4 – Like the Exodus passage, this text demonstrates the possibility of a marriage covenant being broken. The key terms are “favor” and “indecency.” In Jesus’ day, there was an argument among Jewish scholars as to what grounds for divorce were permitted by this passage. Some argued that anything that caused a wife to lose “favor” with her husband was grounds (burnt dinner, declining beauty, etc.). Others argued that only if the cause of the lack of “favor” was “indecency.” The phrase underlying “indecency” is literally “the nakedness of a matter” and likely refers to immorality of a sexual nature. The law most likely would not have in view actual adultery, because the punishment for that was death. Instead, the key to this passage is that once a marriage covenant is broken, and a new one instituted, the involved parties cannot subsequently be remarried. The overarching emphasis was the seriousness of both marriage and divorce, that they should not be trivialized or entered into or exited lightly.
Proverbs 18:22 – This proverb serves as a brief reminder amid the Old Testament record of marital failure (David’s adultery, Solomon’s many wives and concubines, the patriarchs’ terrible family relationships, etc.) that marriage is still a good thing. It is tempting for Christians to join the broader culture’s mockery of marriage, but biblically we cannot: it is a painful and difficult thing, but still good.
Hosea 1-3 – These chapters serve as a summary of the many Old Testament passages in which God is portrayed as a husband to his people. Here, Hosea’s continued faithfulness and refusal to divorce Gomer is a picture of God’s rejection of his people’s sin and yet his redemption of them by not finally divorcing them and instead wooing them back to himself. The picture we get is that while divorce may sometimes be an option in a broken world and in a broken marriage, it is not a requirement.
Malachi 2:13-16 – This passage is one of the most frequently quoted biblical passages on divorce and yet is one of the most ambiguous. This comes from the difficulty of translating the Hebrew here. Consider the following translations:
- NIV: “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.
- NASB: “For I hate divorce,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “and him who covers his garment with wrong,” says the LORD of hosts. “So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.”
Malachi 2:13-16 (cont.) – The traditional translation, started in the KJV and seen above reflected in the NASB, indicates that God hates divorce. However, there is no first-person singular pronoun requiring it to be translated as “I.” Rather, I believe the better translation is that reflected in the NIV, which takes the third person, “he hates,” and properly reflects it. Especially in light of the latter part of verse 15 and the conclusion of verse 16: the Lord is warning and instructing men to be faithful to their wives, because if they break faith by hating and divorcing their wives, they are wronging themselves and her, while at the same time incurring God’s wrath against themselves. The traditional translation has often been used as a club against those who have legitimate cause for divorce rather than as a warning to those who do not. The second translation rightly puts the burden back on the guilty party rather than on the act itself.
Matthew 19:2-9 (cf. Matthew 5:31-32; Mark 10:8-12, and Luke 16:18) – Jesus’ teaching on the subject of marriage and divorce is recorded by each of the Synoptic Gospels and is remarkably simple and consistent (although Matthew likely gives Jesus’ fuller response that includes a recognition of the relevant statement in the Law and indicates sexual immortality as an acceptable reason for divorce). Regardless, Jesus’ position on the subject is clearly that divorce is always sin or the result of sin. His point, made clearest in Matthew, is that the current fallen reality of marriage, divorce, and remarriage was not God’s original design, nor is it an eternal reality. Instead, (cf. Mark 12:21-25) it would reach a final fulfillment in eternity that would negate the question once and for all. From the creation intention of God (one man, one woman, for life) any remarriage after a divorce is an adulterous one (giving to another what has already been covenanted to the first). Note that while this is the created perspective, Jesus does not indicate that God is unaware of the presence of hard hearts or ungracious to those who divorce or to those who divorce and remarry. Nonetheless, the starkness of Jesus’ teaching should drive a deep conviction about the seriousness of marriage, divorce, and remarriage into our consideration of the questions.

Redemption: Marriage in a Redeemed World

1 Corinthians 7:1-40 – The most extended discussion of marriage in the New Testament introduces the aspect of marriage in light of redemption. Paul seems to be wrestling directly with the Lord Jesus’ teaching on marriage and trying to apply it to his Corinthian audience. Before we consider the text, it is worthwhile to note that he recognizes Jesus’ teaching to be correct, but as requiring expansion for the redeemed community to seriously live it out. Now to the text: Paul talks about the benefit of marriage for sexual fulfillment and as a curb to temptation. He talks, obliquely, about the sanctifying aspects of family life, and the possibility of gospel witness to spouse and children. But it is clear that Paul is less enamored of marriage than most American evangelicals today. Paul assumes that fidelity to Christ is the normative expectation for Christians. If maintaining that fidelity will be served by a Christian getting married, that marriage is good. If marriage will be an obstacle, idol, or distraction to that currently single Christian’s fidelity, it isn’t good. Our churches today tend to operate on the assumption that marriage is the normal course for the single Christian man or woman. Paul clearly teaches, though, that singleness is preferable for those able to be so and still honor Christ. First and foremost, this teaching stands against the marital idolatry of our Christian culture, which is simply a dressing up of our culture’s obsession with self-satisfaction through finding one’s “soulmate.” The notion that a fellow human being could provide fulfillment of our deepest desires strikes directly against the teaching of the Bible that God alone fulfills those longings. One of the main reasons we have so much divorce in the church is that we’ve both overvalued and undervalued marriage. We’ve overvalued its normativity and its ability to satisfy. We’ve undervalued its place in God’s great story of redemption and the incredible opportunities it presents for gospel proclamation and discipleship. This passage challenges our culture’s understanding of marriage at a fundamental level. Once that foundation is laid, Paul is able to say, in essence, “divorce is not an option for a believing couple because they are not dependent on marriage for fulfillment.” Secondly, he draws upon the teaching of Jesus (“not I, but the Lord”) and indicates that if, in a marriage in which both parties are believers, divorce takes place, the separating party should not remarry another. In a situation where one spouse is a believer, and the other is not, Paul gives essentially the same command: do not seek divorce because once the relationship is severed, the opportunity for gospel proclamation goes away. However, if the unbelieving spouse desires a divorce, then the believer should permit it. In such a case, the believing spouse is free to remarry as the one who didn’t seek the divorce and is now freed by the unbeliever’s choice.
Ephesians 5:22-33 – If 1 Corinthians 7 is the longest discussion of marriage among the redeemed, Ephesians 5 is the most beautiful. Where 1 Corinthians seems to almost devalue marriage as a consolation prize for those who aren’t strong enough to control themselves, Ephesians grants a grand purpose and picture to marriage as a cosmological, historical, and relational masterpiece pointing us to God’s eternal plan of salvation. It is worth noting that Paul wrote both passages, which serves as a good reminder of the importance of considering marriage, divorce, and remarriage in light of ALL the biblical revelation. In Ephesians 5:22-33, we are introduced to marriage as a picture of Christ’s relationship with the church. Marriage itself points the world to the truth of the gospel. As a wife submits to her husband, she is demonstrating the church’s submission to Christ. As a husband loves his wife through self-sacrifice, the world sees Jesus’ love for and sacrifice for the church. Paul goes all the way back to Genesis 2:24: the marriage union has always been about Christ and the church. This ultimate meaning does not demean the other purposes and results of marriage: procreation, relationship, joy, shared burdens, etc. But it does indicate that those are secondary to the primary reason: marriage points us to the gospel. By setting the relationship between one man and one woman in this light, Paul is effectively shifting the conversation of marriage, divorce, and remarriage from “what do I want to do?” to “what does my decision say about the gospel?”
Colossians 3:18-19 – This passage could be called “Ephesians 5:22-33”-lite. Paul repeats his instruction for wives to submit and husbands to love, but adds instruction to both. For the wives, he says, “as is fitting in the Lord.” This idea of “fitting” is that of being appropriate or being natural to. In other words, submission is not a sign of weakness or inferiority but is a sign of Christ’s impact and reality in one’s life. His instruction to husbands is expanded from Ephesians in that husbands are commanded to “not be harsh” or “not be embittered towards” their wives. These instructions serve to remind believing couples that God’s design for marriage is not mere co-habitation or teeth-gritted continuation. Instead, they are to reflect Christ and genuine care and concern for one another in a covenant relationship.
1 Timothy 5:9-14 – Paul’s reflections here regarding widows, especially younger widows, do not directly address divorce and remarriage, though it gives insight into marriage. Essentially, Paul continues his theme of seeing marriage as an instrument of sanctification and a potential force for good, particularly in verse 14. Of note is his statement on “not giving the adversary occasion for slander.” Marriage should not be the assumed “normal” for every Christian, but it is an effective tool against temptation and for witness.
Hebrews 13:4 – The author of Hebrews shows in this brief mention of marriage that its sanctity is the concern of every believer. By urging “all” to “honor,” he shows that marriage is not just an individual decision. Instead, the community of believers should be seen as vital to the strength and success of each marriage. This guards against the creation of a class hierarchy in the church, either of singles being elevated and considered more important or of the married being more well-regarded. Both situations have been the case in various points of church history. Also, when marriage is honored by all, then all have a stake in keeping the marriage bed undefiled. This defilement includes both sexual immorality before marriage and infidelity within marriage. The single struggling with sexual temptation is meant to look to the godly marriages in the church and be encouraged with strength and patience. The married person whose eyes roam to other bodies is corrected by the steadfast endurance of the single and the fidelity of other married believers. This passage is incredibly pertinent to the issue of divorce, as well. If all are honoring marriage and seeking to keep the marriage bed undefiled, then love and help for those struggling in their marriage will be readily and nonjudgmentally available. And, if divorce does take place, a committed fellowship will be there to help sort out the pieces and give guidance moving forward. Unfortunately, many churches today have neglected the full implications of this verse.
1 Peter 3:1-7 – Peter’s commands to wives and husbands are not unique, but they add important considerations to the topic of marriage among the redeemed. Wives are urged to be submissive, not as doormats, but as missionaries. Peter sees, like Paul, the possibility of an unbelieving spouse being turned to faith by the consistent, humble witness of a believing spouse. But his statement goes further, as well, opening the possibility of a marriage in which both spouses are professing believers, but the husband is not walking in obedience. The solution Peter proposes is like if the spouse is an unbeliever: conduct that points their husband to Christ. For husbands, Peter issues the counter-cultural command to treat their wives as equals. While this is not noteworthy in our egalitarian culture, it was huge in Peter’s day. Men were seen as superior to their wives and didn’t have to think about them at all. Peter says that the Christian husband’s every action is to be engaged with thought for his wife, how it will impact her, how he can lead her to Christ, etc. Then he indicates that the husband’s relationship with his wife will have a direct bearing on his relationship with God. If he doesn’t live with his wife in a good relationship, his prayers will be hindered.

Completion: Marriage in a Perfect World

Mark 12:21-25 (cf. Matthew 22:26-30) – In these passages, the Sadducees try to trap Jesus with a question about marriage and resurrection. Jesus turns the table on them, revealing their ignorance of both the nature of marriage and the eternity that stretches beyond resurrection. Marriage is no longer a concern after the resurrection: it is temporary and confined to this life alone. He says that people will “be like angels” after the resurrection. There are many potential meanings to this statement. Still, at least several seem to be most likely: 1) angels don’t marry, 2) angels are so focused on God that they don’t need a marital relationship, 3) angels live forever, but marriage ends at death. Regardless of the precise meaning, Jesus clearly teaches that marriage is not a concern for the resurrected. Marriage is a fact with implications for the present age; resurrection is a fact with implications for eternity.
Revelation 19:6-9 – This passage reveals the target towards which all of history is rushing: the marriage supper of the Lamb. Why does the Church exist? To be united with Christ. Why does Marriage exist? To point to the union of God’s people with God. Why does each individual marriage exist? To serve as a foreshadowing of this marriage. This is why marriage is rendered fulfilled in eternity and no longer in effect: because the reality it was meant to point to has finally come. Just as a picture in your hand of the Grand Canyon is no longer needed when you’re standing on the rim of the Grand Canyon, so human marriages are no longer needed when this heavenly marriage is experienced in reality.

So, after that brief survey of the Bible’s teaching on marriage, divorce, and remarriage through four different epochs of God’s story, how do we stitch them together to get an overarching picture? This is my attempt:

Marriage was created by God, to enable mankind to fulfill the commands of God, and was designed to be a covenant relationship between one man and one woman, for life. When mankind rejected God’s authority to command them, the effects of that rebellion on marriage were catastrophic. Now, with hearts given to sin, men and women were not just rejecting the God who had made covenant with them, they began to reject the spouses they made covenant with. God, in His mercy, gave the Law to the nation of Israel and sought to mitigate the effects of sin on marriage relationships by allowing divorce for sexual immorality and/or lack of provision of food, clothing, and sexual intimacy. When Jesus, the ultimate revelation of God, came, he pointed back to the original design of marriage, rather than to the Law, as the definitive guide. When the promises of God were fulfilled in Jesus’ death and resurrection and the coming of the Holy Spirit, marriage regained its first intention and priority among God’s people. No longer were God’s people to divorce, but their marriages were to be showcases of God’s steadfast commitment to his people and his people’s unswerving submission to him. The only time divorce was potentially allowed to nullify a marriage covenant was when an unbelieving spouse chose to leave the marriage. In such a case, the believer was free to remarry. If a divorce took place for any other reason, the parties were to remain unmarried so that reconciliation could potentially take place. This elevation of the seriousness of marriage among the redeemed serves to point the world and the church to the coming of eternity and the union of God’s people with God forever.

This statement, if accurate and accepted, would not have a minimal impact on the American church. Marriage has long been both idolized and trivialized, divorce has become common, and remarriage is rarely examined. I am not unaware of the difficulty of consistently applying the Bible’s teaching on marriage in our current context. So, let me make several further clarifications that I see as implications of the broader Scriptural witness:

Divorce before conversion is different from divorce after conversion. Jesus taught that, outside the kingdom, the hardness of hearts made divorce an occasional necessity. If a now-believing brother or sister was divorced before having their heart of stone exchanged for a heart of flesh through the work of God in Christ through the Holy Spirit, they are redeemed from that and ought to be treated so.
Many professing believers would not prove to be believers if biblical church discipline was upheld. Therefore, a faithful spouse whose outwardly-professing-but-likely-not-converted spouse divorces them would have been justified as a spouse abandoned by an unbelieving spouse, had the church pursued the course Jesus lays out for dealing with offending parties in Matthew 18.
Many who professed faith earlier in life, fall away, and later “recommit” to Christ were likely unconverted before their “return.” Instead, their conversion happened when they were awakened to their sin, confession, and new submission. This is not true in every individual case. Still, it is worth considering whether or not a person had indeed been converted before a divorce or ended up being truly converted afterward.
There is no such thing as a perpetual or unforgiven sin for the faithfully repenting believer. Thus, a sinful divorce and remarriage do not continually mark them as adulterers. Instead, they ought to demonstrate through their commitment to their current spouse the transformation of sanctification.
Blanket statements are usually more harmful than helpful. Therefore, a case-by-case approach is best within the church fellowship regarding the appropriateness of divorce or remarriage.